I want to go to Africa,but why? I need to answers the why.
Is it a calling?
Or am I running away from life?
Do I want to leave the country in an attempt to leave behind everything that I know and find myself an actual adventure?
Am I trying to impress someone?
Is it truly because I want to help?
Do I want to go just because I don't love America the way that most Americans do?
Does God want me there?
I do know that:
I want adventure.
I'm afraid of being stuck.
I don't love America.
I hate how I have so much, while others in the world have nothing.
I hate that I know little to nothing of what else is happening in the world.
I'm restless.
I know that God calls his children to go off into the world, and spread his word.
I want to share Gods love, that love he's been overwhelming me so wonderfully with.
I wonder sometimes why I'm here. Why am sitting in a community college instead of studying music at a big University. Then I find myself dreaming of doing other things. Like the mission trip to Haiti.. I know I couldn't afford to do that at all if I were currently paying to go to a University.. instead of paying nothing for my schooling, and Africa.. shoot I couldn't even dream of Africa for three months if I were dedicating all of my time and my finances to college.
So maybe that's why I'm still here? because I do feel as though I am where I belong... but I feel restless too. I should be leaving soon. Time is ticking away, I expect to find myself somewhere far away very soon, but why?
Yea... why?
I feel awkward saying it's a calling. I don't "know" that it is. I just know that I WANT to go. I don't know how to tell if i want to go for my own reasons, or if I want to go because God put the desire in me. Who am I to say what God wants, like I know.. I'm pretty clueless. I know what I want... I want to go to Africa and do something for Gods Kingdom in Africa. But is that in line with what God wants with my life?
I will pray for wisdom, guidance, and some way to know where God wants me.
