Falling

You're walking on a tightrope, an emotional tightrope, a physical metaphorical tightrope. Every feeling you have is so thin. You feel worthless and lame, you're a box or spirals, each individual and intricate, yet you're just a box, simple and boring, taking up far more empty space than you need to. You get the feeling in the depth of you the you're supposed to be far more than that, but you can't break past that thick boxy shell. You push yourself, doing far more than time allows, yet you feel as though you're not doing nearly enough. You feel like people who look at you can't see you, they can't feel what they need to feel to understand. Your tightrope is thin and about to snap. How lonely you'll feel as you're falling. Falling..

Easter

This day, Easter, is a day to remind us of the greatest event known to man kind, the resurrection of Jesus Christ. If the story of Jesus was such that Jesus was born a blessed and Godly man, who lived his life for God and taught his ways and died a martyr's death for the God that he loved and served, and then was buried in his tomb as a holy man, with his earthly story ending there, Christianity would be an empty religion.

There would be no hope for man kind. Death would still have the upper hand. Blood would still have to be shed for the atoning of sins. Satan would have conquered Jesus, and stopped his plan for the salvation of man.

That is not how the story goes though.

Jesus is more than a man Blessed by God. He was simply born into this world, he was sent from his rightful throne in heaven. He more than lived his life for God, for he was God living his life for us. He was enduring the trials and tribulations of man kind, the rejection and the hatred coming from those he loved, and the denial of the ones who said they loved him. Jesus did not died because of who he believed in, but because of who he was. He was the Son of God, the Blessed Lamb, the Perfect Sacrifice.

In the "end" Jesus' life wasn't simply taken from him. He LET himself be KILLED. More brutally than many of us can even fathom in our day and age. Jesus willingly took on the burden of the sins of every man to walk this earth, a burden he did not deserve and gave up his spirit as his Father turned his face away from his only son, whom he loved so deeply.



I praise the Lord that the His story doesn't end there. A dead man has no power, and that is why Easter is so special to me, and why it deserves to be more special to all. Jesus being God, had and has power of the grave. Death, the final holding room of everyman was not strong enough to hold in Jesus. That is why Christianity is a religion worth living. For our God is a living God. Our Jesus is not just a martyr who we can appreciate, but a living man who we can have a relationship with, and spend an eternity with.



I'm sure many know the Easter story inside out, but most, myself included don't appreciate it enough. We owe everything to Our God. Everyday of our life belongs to him. He gave his life for us, he defeated the grave for us. He loves us more than we can know how to love.

I wish everyday I would think about Jesus' sacrifice for me, maybe then I could truely begin to live my life as my life should be lived, for Jesus, not for myself.



Thank you Lord Jesus. I can never thank you enough for what you have done for me. Thank you for suffering for my sins so that I might not have to, so that I might be able to join you in eternity some day. Thank you for not resting in the tomb, but coming back and defeating death so that the filthy sinners of the world may have life. There is no more merciful of a god than you, no more powerful, and no more ALIVE than the God that I serve.

Thank you, I love you.

Walls of Love

I feel as though I'm being trapped in a box with the walls thickly weaved with Love. In every direction there is some form of someone loving me stopping me from doing something that I want to do, or trying to break free.
All my life I've seen Graduation as a time to heal my clipped wings and learn to fly, but now that high school is coming to an end I feel like that's the polar opposite of what is happening. My clipped wings don't seem to be healing, they seem to be scarring and growing heavier. They aren't lifting me high above the horizon, they're anchoring me to only what I've known.
My heart is telling me that there's a world beyond what I can see, new planes to discover, new people to meet, but my life, that love that is surrounding me is putting up walls that block out the new sun that I have yet to see. The Love that's protecting me is shielding my eyes from the stars I've yet to count. There are friends in the world whose names I'm yet to learn, love in the lands I am yet to experience, and stories that as still to be written.
But there's a box that's pushing the day of my beginning far from the day of the ending that is to come. A box that is loving.. a box that is stiffling me.

Dearest Dream,

Walk, hike and climb, through the trees you know so well, you'll find your safe haven, silence your artificial melodies and leave your ties to the world behind.

Then just keep walking, and walking,until you don't recognize the songs the birds sing. then run. Run until the trees have an enchanted glow so strong you can feel them in the inner most cores of your bones. Close your eyes. Feel the trees all around, see them with your minds eye.

Take a step into the depth of the world you just discovered. That's when you'll see it. a dream catcher. So delicately woven with silken thread, created to catch the most fragile of dreams, the the sweetest memories of the subconscious. Fear not it's majestic shimmer, take it in the palm of your hand, don't hesitate, it's our last chance. Hold it to your heart. Hold it, press it to you until it becomes a part of you, a vibrant emblem on your chest. Cleanse your soul with a deep sigh and jump.

What you'll see you've never seen before. All the precious dreams of ones before flying past you, let them, please let them fly. You'll see yourself small broken and falling. Fall, please fall. When you see me know I'll catch you I'll put you back together. Each piece of you will lay as it should. Except your heart. I've been saving mine. You can have it, if I can have yours.

Open your eyes when you feel my familiar lips on yours, and you can take my hand and I'll take you through the door, for I've found it.

The world I told you of, the one in my dreams, just over from ours, where your heart can beat in me, and mine in you. Where our souls can embrace, and our hearts clasp. My kiss will be a shameless sensation, sweeter than you ever knew, all for you my dear.

Please come, please hurry. As wonderful as this world is, it's only dark and scary without you. I grow cold as I wait. Come, warm me with your touch. I miss you. Please darling, love can be ours if you close your eyes and jump into this dream with me. This more than marvelous dream of ours.

Love,
Your Dreamer.

What I learned in 2010

You need not a handsome hand to hold to be all that you can be.
Alls complete and Beautiful in everything you see.
Your worth is not what they're eyes can see upon your face.
It's how you take this life and how you win the race.
They don't have to hand you pretty words to make your day.
For there's little value in anything they say.
There is more to you than eyes dare to behold.
You are a story that's waiting to be told.
If you stand with your own two feet firmly on the ground.
Your strength and power will conquer everyone around.

Change

Today... was a hard day.
Today I did not have a beautiful rehearsal to look forward to, I do not feel an anticipation for the year to come. I can not make plans for myself and my friends. My plans are my own.
Today I did not go out for a lovely walk under the stars, I did not share a delicious cup of hot cocoa. I did not eat fast food on a random craving.
Today I did not pour out my heart to my heart. I did not turn a page in my emotions and my maturity.

Today... was a much better day.
Today I healed my heart, rather than broke it. I raked through truths, rather than lived in lies.
Today I cried with a friend, I laughed with a friend. I let our hearts break together. We let ourselves say goodbye together.
Today I collected pieces of my life, rather than create more pieces to collect.


A lot can change in a year. A lot has changed in a year. To look back to this day in that year, it has a different feel. I know that this day in the year to come will be a day that I will have to embrace as the plans for that day can't be fathomed.
So much can change in a year, I know that changes that have passed can't stand beside the changes to come.

All that change is, all that change is going to be.. Yet somethings really will never change, Somethings I hope never change. Somethings I know I will look back on break when I see they have changed.



I can't fathom change. I can't wait for change. I can't look to change. I can't resist change.
Change is coming, Change is in the air.

The Sound of Music.

It's the last week of my senior musical.
I've done every Musical since 7th grade.
These musicals are how I met my best friends.
I Don't knwo where I would be if it weren't for these musicals.
Each year, it teaches me something more. It teaches me how to budget my time, how convey a story, how to be someone else, how to be myself, how to be proud of all I am.
I have myself almost in tears as I write this. I know by the end I will probably flood the keyboard I'm typing on.
I from Annie to the Sound of Music. These years of acting and songs have nothing but blessed all that I am.
The musical has always been the highlight of my year. Starting each year with excitment, and a feeling of accomplishment.
I can just feel it now, The feeling of the lights as the curtain opens. The Rush of knowing the whole rooms eyes are on me as I sing to them as the story progresses.
To sing and dance. Convey passion, pain and joy to the audience.
This is my last year. I have finally figured out the system of the stage, I have the feel of that floor, those lights, that room in my blood. And this is my last year I will preform on that stage. That dear small, but beautiful stage.
This is the last year that I will act with those friends that I have been acting with for 6 years now.... We have been just a team. Working hard to get to where we are. I can just feel the excitment of my sophomore year. The Year we were the underdogs. We were places parall to the seniors. We had alot to live up to, and did we ever live up to it!! Through the story of Fiddler on the Roof we learned to love, we learned to laugh. We said good bye. We shed tears, and we looked forward to that year in the future when it would be our show. When we would rule that cast. Our Senior show, it seemed so far away, sooo special. But now it's here. We're running the show like we thought we would. Putting it all together, getting little sleep to make sure we have everything, and enjoying every second of it.
It will soon be over though.. I can't wrap my mind around it. Before I know it we will be standing on that stage taking a bow. Tears running down our cheeks as we not only say good bye to Austria as The Van Trapp family, but also to the Musicals.

The Musical.... These musicals have made me who I am today.
I get to go up there and be Liesl Van Trapp, with my family. Not just my Van Trapp family, but my musical family. We have sung and danced together, fought and cried, laughed and loved together. It's been amazing. I love you all with every ounce of myself.

Thinking about annie, my mind is baffled, I was the little one, that looked up to all the seniors. The Seniors I remember soo well that probably don't even knwo who I am anymore.

Going back to Joseph, OH! I learned sooo much! I met new people! Those seventh grade boys that came up behind us! How amazing they are! Those voices!

Music man, we were beginning to leave our mark. Fightign to grow our parts, our passion. Putting so much time and energy! Forming friendships.

Dearest Fiddler. We were the underdogs. The cast that was supposed to be the weak link. We were all young, Mostly freshman and sophomores. I almost didn't do fiddler. I thank the lord that I did. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't. I was Yente! I babbling Old lady with an amazing Senior double to help me through.

Junior year was Babes in Arms. I learned to be myself. I learned to love. It was an amazing year! I wonderful show. I fought many battles, overcame soo many things. Babes in Arms.

Sound of Music. This show has been unlike any other show. But it has been amazing. I get to act with my best friends, side by side. In a family. I get to act and sing with a my nazi. A dear friend, that is a dear friend because of the musical.
I Don't know what I would do with out any of my ''play" friends. They are amazing.


I'm Going to miss this show, and all the shows in the past. I can't believe all we've done, all we're leaving behind, and all that's to come for up. I'm sooo excited.
It will be amazing. I hope to see you there!